There's Such A Chill, Such A Chill

You take up my time
Like some cheap magazine.
- Pulp

In a well-meaning attempt to keep myself conscious for a serious all-nighter, I downed six cups of strong instant coffee in the span of one hour and smoked like crazy in our building’s stairwell. I gotta tell you that I’ve done this before, and that in each case, I ended up feeling like a firecracker gone haywire, all buzzed up and popping with too much explosive energy. Naturally, I hardly got any work done; instead, I found myself periodically hooting from the caffeine rush, or tugging at my own hair, or doing jumping jacks.

Also: I never learn. I knew that slugging down all that coffee was going to make me antsy, but I did it anyway. Still, I’m happy to report that the results weren’t disastrous, that despite the caffeine-induced fidgeting, I did get all of my work done. Without a wink of sleep. Zero! Nil!

Unfortunately, I’m still buoyed way too much by the rush, even if it’s already been six hours since I drank the coffee. Let me tell you something. I do not drink coffee regularly. My body is not used to caffeine. HOOOO BOOOOOOY I AM SO FUCKING REVVED RIGHT NOW. My hands are cold, my eyes feel like they can shoot out laser beams, and I got this nasty facial tic going, I can feel it pulsing right now below my lower lip.

HAAAAUGH!

My friends! My lovers and countrymen! I am in such an elevated mood, I feel like --

Jumping straight up to the ceiling and unscrewing the light bulb right before I hit the floor!

Running down Ortigas and giving high-fives to everybody!

Singing The Knack’s My Sharona and whistling the guitar solo to boot!

Yodelling!

Yodelay-heeeeeeeeee-hooo.

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Some nights ago, I dreamt that I was in the middle of the AMCI training, and that I’d taken a break after completing a few rounds of running. While I was unsuccessfully trying to flirt with a (fictional) fellow trainee, I caught sight of Edward Norton sprinting towards us, a determined expression stamped on his face.




"Holy shit!" I said. "Is this for real?? I can’t believe Edward Norton is training with us!"

"Oh, yeah," Fictional Fellow Trainee replied. "He just managed to join us today, though. He wasn’t around during Diagnostics and the first Training Day."

"Fuck! Oh my god!" I was hyperventilating. "This is incredible! I’ve always had the major hots for him! And he’s here with us now! Oh my god, he’s running nearer to us. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god."

So Edward Norton jogged closer, and when he was mere yards away, I waved frantically. "Edward Norton!" I yelled. "I love you! I’ve seen so many of your movies, and I love you! I love you!"

And he looked coolly at me, flung off a "Thank you," and sped away.

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I’m almost tempted to commiserate with the Dream Peachy and her fractured heart, but goddamn, she was such a dolt, it was mortifying. First, you don’t go announcing your love for someone while he’s running. Second, you don’t go announcing your love, period. Dream Peachy was crestfallen and shot down when Edward Norton spurned (spurned!) her, but hey, she was asking for it. Tatanga-tanga pa kasi. Ayan! Na-reject tuloy! Tarantado.

The moral lesson is this, kiddies: Edward Norton is inaccessible. And the subconscious is a wicked thing.

Admittedly, though, I'm still a sucker for Edward Norton. Aw, shucks.
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