Dialogues: A Post-Holiday Special

Dialogue No. 1
Dad, Mom, and Daughter are eating in a Chinese restaurant. Dad is talking about His Childhood. Mom and Daughter are listening intently. Suddenly, Daughter interrupts Dad, her brow furrowed.

Daughter: Dad, did you lose a tooth?
Dad: What?
Daughter: Did you lose a tooth, I said.
Dad: Oh, this.
Daughter: Yes.
Dad: Yes, I lost that one. Why?
Daughter: You look weird.
Mom: He just looks ugly.

Dad continues talking about His Childhood. Suddenly, Dad stops in mid-sentence and studies the Daughter’s left ear, his brow furrowed.

Dad: Did you get another piercing?
Daughter: Yes.
Dad: You have too many earrings on that ear!
Daughter: Yes.
Dad: It doesn’t look very nice.
Daughter: No worse than that missing tooth of yours.
Dad: Haha.
Daughter: Hahaha.

Dialogue No. 2:
Dad, Mom, and Daughter are all in the car, on their way home. Dad is driving, and Mom is in the passenger seat. From the back seat, Daughter is talking about her Friend, who is due to marry An Asshole in less than a month. Mom is all riled up.

Mom: That’s the problem!
Daughter: ---
Mom: You kids think marriage is great.
Daughter: But I never ---
Mom: And it’s harder than you think, harder if you’re a woman!
Daughter: ---
Mom: Marriage is the source of all unhappiness. Look at me!
Daughter: Wow.

For a moment, all three are quiet. Dad looks at Daughter through the rearview mirror.

Dad: So how’s your job so far?


Dialogue No. 3:
Daughter is home for the Holidays. One evening, the phone rings. It is Auntie X, one of Mom’s sisters. Mom and Auntie X gossip for a bit over the phone. Later, Mom passes the phone to Daughter.

Mom: Auntie X wants to talk to you. Greet her a Merry Christmas.
Daughter: All right. (takes the phone from Mom) Hello, Aunti—
Auntie X: Hellooo!! So. Did you gain weight, or are you thinner now?
Daughter: What? I ---
Auntie X: Merry Christmas!
Daughter: Merry Christmas.


Dialogue No. 4:
Dad and Daughter are eating dinner.

Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter: Do you think that dogs can tell that they have bad breath?
Dad: Well. (pause) Well, I’m not sure.
Daughter: Say, Coco and Nugget. They both have bad breath.
Dad: Yes, they do.
Daughter: And they’re always panting at each other’s faces.
Dad: Yes.
Daughter: Do you think they smell it? How unpleasant it is?
Dad: ---
Daughter: I mean, do Coco and Nugget think, shit, we have deadly breath?
Dad: I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Daughter: Okay.

Dialogue No. 5:
Daughter is in her bedroom, getting ready to go out. Dad starts knocking. Daughter opens the door.

Dad: Look! I ironed your skirt.
Daughter: Thanks! You shouldn’t have. Thanks, Dad.
Dad: This skirt is too short.
Daughter: It is not.
Dad: It is. And button up your shirt, the neckline’s too low.
Daughter: Come on.
Dad: It’s too low.
Daughter: I don’t want to.
Dad: You can’t ride a jeep wearing this!
Daughter: But I’m taking a cab.
Dad: Little girl, when I say ---
Daughter: All right. (buttons up shirt) There! Are you happy?
Dad: Yes.
.